Symptoms of BPD...

Me to a T

An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection

• A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel
• Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all
• Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours
• Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship
• Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection
• Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety
• Ongoing feelings of emptiness
• Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder

 My exbf was gaming. He yelled out for me to grab him a beer. I did not hear him. He said he lost his game and it was my fault for not do what he said. 

That earned me a knock on the jaw

Very rough 6 1/2 months for me. My man and I were as different as night and day. Where he wore nothing but black and listened to Satanic Metal, I wore colors and like Country and Classic Rock music. But somehow we seemed to make it work. We respected each other. But, he also had a drug habit that interfered with a lot of our time together. After breaking up 3 times, I finally kicked him out 2 weeks ago. Our relationship turned into verbal and mental abuse because of his drug usage. I miss him so much and cry a lot from it. We are both at fault for the way things ended. I miss my friend so very much.  

It's been a long time since I was last here...

It's been a long time since I was last here...

I want to post, but

My life has been so dark that it took over me. Part of me wants to tell you about it, just to get it out of my system, but the other part of me does not want to re-live that time.

I am also paranoid. I don't know how to block certain people from viewing my posts.

Core 'ngrato - Enrico Caruso "Live"

Trapped!

I'm trapped in this life! 

No place to go, no where to tuen. I wish I had courage to finish this life. I worry about my little furry family and who would take care of them. No one would love them the way I do.

I need help! 

Marc

One of my ex-boyfriends, Marc, I consider to be the first Adult I have ever dated. We were together for 4 months about 3 years ago. He was so generous and good to me. Even though we broke up, we have stayed in touch....texting or talking every now and then, and even a few "booty calls" :)

I was thinking about him today and sent him a text just to say hi and ask how he was. He replied that all was well and that he'd just returned from a 2 week trip to Florida and the Caribbean. My problem is, I keep wondering if there is a new woman in his life? I care about him and still think of him as mine, even though we aren't compatible.

Why do I care so much about him having a girlfriend??? I don't want him with another woman! This confuses me.