The Contract

Just a brief note tonight....

Last night I signed the contract to put my house up for sale. Halfway through the signing & initialing of the contract.. I realized what I was doing and I didn't have any 2nd thoughts at all... I'm glad. I didn't realize how trapped I felt here.

Let me make something clear~

I love my daughter and have wanted her since I was a child.  I never wanted a husband, I wanted a daughter.  But being raised by a Catholic mother and also a product of the 40's & 50's, she told me that I would not be able to have children until I was married.  So not only was a desperate for the daughter that was waiting for me in the spirit world, I was also worried no one would every marry me.  Well, someone did marry me.  I got my daughter out of it and the marriage was over. 

My daughter and I are like all people, we go through our ups and downs in our relationship.  But that doesn't change the fact that she's my baby and I love her.  I expect living with her for a few months we will continue to have the ups and downs, but by no means do we have a negative relationship.  We are both our own women.  We are loving, caring, kind, strong willed and stubborn women.  But when all is said and done, we love each other. 

Monday 04/09/2012

OMG..It was so much easier getting up this morning with the knowledge that I will be quitting that job that I've been at for 23 1/2 years!  Ever since I decided to sell the house, quit the job and move to be with/near my daughter, grandson & son-in-law.  Although I've never lived in the state she moved to, my heart feels like it's going home.  All the gloom I've been feeling these past few years is fading..I see the sun again!

XoXo

Thoughts?

I never really have much to say ... I just watch.  I try so hard to be invisable.

My Fave Quote

"Accept me as I am. Only then can we discover each other."

Falling Apart

God! How do I keep myself together?  I'm really struggling now...I haven't had my anti-depressant in a week and will be at least until Friday until I can pick up my refill, if I can even afford it along with all my various other meds.

Payroll messed up may check by overpaying me and with the auto deductions I have on my account things got paid that I was behind on and to re-pay the payroll overpayment, I've been taking a 1/3 less payroll until it's repaid, roughly 3 pay periods so that equal's 6 weeks.  Now with the 5% pay cut I've been given it's even more difficult.  What will I lose first? My house, my car? When am I going to be fired?

I just don't know what to do any more!  

Closing in~

I still want & think pink! And pretty with greens, lavenders, deep purples, blues, yellows and orange....

Things are closing in on me...I'm starting to not care about other very important matters.  Right now I don't know how long I can hold on.  The end of the ride is getting closer.  I have everything I need in my house right now and since I live alone...chances are I might not be discovered for 7-8 days if planned right, allowing plenty of time for everything to work.  I really am crazy!