Friday, September 2, 2016
Very rough 6 1/2 months for me. My man and I were as different as night and day. Where he wore nothing but black and listened to Satanic Metal, I wore colors and like Country and Classic Rock music. But somehow we seemed to make it work. We respected each other. But, he also had a drug habit that interfered with a lot of our time together. After breaking up 3 times, I finally kicked him out 2 weeks ago. Our relationship turned into verbal and mental abuse because of his drug usage. I miss him so much and cry a lot from it. We are both at fault for the way things ended. I miss my friend so very much.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
It's been a long time since I was last here...
It's been a long time since I was last here...
I want to post, but
My life has been so dark that it took over me. Part of me wants to tell you about it, just to get it out of my system, but the other part of me does not want to re-live that time.
I am also paranoid. I don't know how to block certain people from viewing my posts.
I want to post, but
My life has been so dark that it took over me. Part of me wants to tell you about it, just to get it out of my system, but the other part of me does not want to re-live that time.
I am also paranoid. I don't know how to block certain people from viewing my posts.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Trapped!
I'm trapped in this life!
No place to go, no where to tuen. I wish I had courage to finish this life. I worry about my little furry family and who would take care of them. No one would love them the way I do.
I need help!
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Marc
One of my ex-boyfriends, Marc, I consider to be the first Adult I have ever dated. We were together for 4 months about 3 years ago. He was so generous and good to me. Even though we broke up, we have stayed in touch....texting or talking every now and then, and even a few "booty calls" :)
I was thinking about him today and sent him a text just to say hi and ask how he was. He replied that all was well and that he'd just returned from a 2 week trip to Florida and the Caribbean. My problem is, I keep wondering if there is a new woman in his life? I care about him and still think of him as mine, even though we aren't compatible.
Why do I care so much about him having a girlfriend??? I don't want him with another woman! This confuses me.
I was thinking about him today and sent him a text just to say hi and ask how he was. He replied that all was well and that he'd just returned from a 2 week trip to Florida and the Caribbean. My problem is, I keep wondering if there is a new woman in his life? I care about him and still think of him as mine, even though we aren't compatible.
Why do I care so much about him having a girlfriend??? I don't want him with another woman! This confuses me.
Friday, April 26, 2013
40 Year Search
A few weeks ago, I ended a 40 year search. Basically the search was for my biological father. I found out that he passed away in 2008. That left me with the 2 brothers that I've also known about for the past 40 or more years.
It was a difficult search. All I knew about my birth father was the 1st name of his second wife. "Pam". After a blinding search of names on #FamilySearch.com, I finally found her! Her last name was Martin. I then did a search of her for anything I could ..... find. I found her obituary and with it, the name of the 2 brothers that I have always dreamed and thought of!!!! Douglas & Martin. Their names and middle names comfirmed that these were indeed my brothers! I knew from family research that their names were from the line of people my birth father identified with. There was the reference to their mother's name and my birth father's step father's name. Confused? I'm not...I get it. My 2 brothers were born to a woman named Pamela Martin. My birth father's step father was named, Ervin. The eldest of my 1/2 brother was named, Douglas Ervin, the younger 1/2 brother was named, Martin Sterling. Can you see the connection??? I certainly did. When I emailed, Doug about this, he confirmed we are all siblings! I can't begin to explain the elation I felt!
Although my birth father has long passed away, they seem to have the same feelings I have towards him...Contempt! Even tho he was in & out of their lives, he wasn't much of a father to them either. At least they knew him. I did not. Is it bad for me to rejoice in knowing that they did not hold him in high regard? I know it was just bitterness on my part, but I am glad to know they felt almost the same way I did.
In the long run, I had a much better father....Fred Keith. Although I never called him dad to his face, I do refer to him as my father! To my daughter, Melissa...He is the only grandfather she has known!! We call him, Granpa. Granpa his been both father to me and father/grandfather to Melissa. He's always been there for us and has never let us down!!!
It was a difficult search. All I knew about my birth father was the 1st name of his second wife. "Pam". After a blinding search of names on #FamilySearch.com, I finally found her! Her last name was Martin. I then did a search of her for anything I could ..... find. I found her obituary and with it, the name of the 2 brothers that I have always dreamed and thought of!!!! Douglas & Martin. Their names and middle names comfirmed that these were indeed my brothers! I knew from family research that their names were from the line of people my birth father identified with. There was the reference to their mother's name and my birth father's step father's name. Confused? I'm not...I get it. My 2 brothers were born to a woman named Pamela Martin. My birth father's step father was named, Ervin. The eldest of my 1/2 brother was named, Douglas Ervin, the younger 1/2 brother was named, Martin Sterling. Can you see the connection??? I certainly did. When I emailed, Doug about this, he confirmed we are all siblings! I can't begin to explain the elation I felt!
Although my birth father has long passed away, they seem to have the same feelings I have towards him...Contempt! Even tho he was in & out of their lives, he wasn't much of a father to them either. At least they knew him. I did not. Is it bad for me to rejoice in knowing that they did not hold him in high regard? I know it was just bitterness on my part, but I am glad to know they felt almost the same way I did.
In the long run, I had a much better father....Fred Keith. Although I never called him dad to his face, I do refer to him as my father! To my daughter, Melissa...He is the only grandfather she has known!! We call him, Granpa. Granpa his been both father to me and father/grandfather to Melissa. He's always been there for us and has never let us down!!!
Monday, April 1, 2013
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