My Cat, Savannah

10/10/12
When my cat first got sick, I thought maybe she had diabetes because she was all about the water. Never did I imagine she was in Kidney Failure or Chronic Kidney Disease which is not unusual for an older cat. Savannah's been in the hospital for 2 nights and they want to keep her tonight. While her blood work was literally off the chart when she 1st went in, she is slowing improving. Her #'s are still high. I asked the Dr. if "sleep" were better or to continue treatment? Without answering, she said neither possibility was out of the question. What do I do?

Still 10/10/12....Several hours later:
Ok..Here's the deal. Its a bit long winded. BUN stands for, Blood, Urine, Nitrogen. The machine at the Vet registers up to 130 and doesn't register beyond that #. When I took Savannah in on Monday, her BUN was 130 or higher. Yesterday it was 121, today its 94. Normal is below 30. The dr. said she is not out of the woods and still very sick. Right now her chances are 50/50 but it sounds like several more days in the hospital to get her BUN to an acceptable level to let her come home and then still she could relapse and end up very sick again or not. I'm going to keep her in the hospital until Friday and we'll have a family meeting to discuss it.

Today~ 10/24/12
On 10/11/12, Savannah came home from the hospital. She was looking good for a few days but on 10/18/12 when I took her in for her re-check she started going down hill again. We tried to give her Subcuetaneous fluid injections but even that wasn't working. Last night, I decided Savannah was reading to go. Ready to go meet, Sophie & Shadow and play in the meadow without a care in the world. She hadn't eaten in 4 days..today was the 5th day. I know she was hungry but she wouldn't have anything to do with food.

This morning, Melissa and I took Savannah into the Dr's office and said our goodbyes. She went very very quick. I remember another Vet once said, the faster the pet goes after the injection just meant they were ready to die. I felt Savannah die even before the dr. was done with the injection. She was so precious. We'll always miss her.

We Love You our little Princess Savannah! XoXo

Friday. . .

This describes me to a T!

Today's Tarot Reading

The Five of Pentacles card suggests that my power today lies in defiance. We are willing to reject the sure thing or accept excommunication to try to make it on our own rather than endure the status quo or submit to conditions that assume we are invisible -- in this, we have nothing to lose. We accept responsibility for the difficulties ahead and do not seek pity for having chosen against the grain. I am empowered by mutual support and my assets are self-worth, hope, and pride.

With a strong mind for healing from this disease...I will beat it!

My body is craving liquor, my mind is not. I continue with the withdrawals but I'm still determined to beat this! Last night began severe stomach cramps for several hours, until I was so exhausted I finally fell asleep. It was very painful. I was doubled over in pain wishing someone would shoot me, that's how bad it was! Like the worst stomach ache ever. I'm ok right now. I think since I was an evening drinker starting after 7pm...that was my rule, that near that time in the evening that's when my body starts, "misbehaving" for lack of a better word.

The body aches continue, but I'm happy to say that either I'm getting used to them or they are beginning to lessen. Not as bad as when they first began.

I write this for myself, as my journal. If someone stumbles upon it and it helps in any way, I'm glad. With a strong mind for healing from this disease...I will beat it!

Day after Epiphany. . . lol

So....Even after my big epiphany yesterday, I'm still struggling not to drink. I haven't done it and I'm not planning to, but I'm just saying that its still a struggle!

My Tarot Reading for the day is good and fits with whats going on currently:

The Five of Chalices card suggests that my power today lies in a crossroads. I am not alone. I intend to let go of despair or nostalgia and I choose to make peace with loss or express mourning in order to move forward. I release the rut of regret and the fear of tomorrow to make way for forgiveness, pleasure, beauty, and hope. I am empowered by my conscience and my gift is forgiveness.

I'm taking the Power back!

February 2011, I gave up 9 years of sobriety. An issue with a family member upset me so much that I returned to some of my old self destructive behavior. 1st cutting and then I picked up drinking again.

So after after totally hitting rock bottom, I quit drinking again as of September 20th. This is my 3rd attempt. I'll say I had an epiphany this morning and I know I'll be able to do it this time.

This morning, I finally came to the realization that by continuing to drink, I was giving the very family member that drove me to such destruction the power to control me.  I'm taking the Power back!!  Even tho I know that family member will never read this, plenty of others will and I want you to know that I'm back to being ME again. The woman before all problems!

Watch out world...I'm back!

PS....

Today's Tarot Reading:

The Four of Pentacles card suggests that my power today lies in possession. I choose not to be bound, identified, or paralyzed by ownership, possessions or means in order that I may always have a free hand and room to grow. I am practical, responsible, and determined about protecting my purpose or advocating for my resources. I am empowered by the status quo and my asset is value.

POWER!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BRv9wGf5pk&feature=youtube_gdata_player